My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
