I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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