my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
