found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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