I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize