My friends, they love my intelligence
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
