Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
