If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
