Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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