I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Text me some of your sweat
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
