I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
