you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize