I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
