when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
