I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
