i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
