If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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