my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
