i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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