Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I smell like Dick and happiness
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