so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
