i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
