Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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