i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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