Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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