she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
