You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
