I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
