I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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