watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
well you can't waste a boner
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
