SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
