I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
