Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
