my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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