Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
