You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
