I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
