Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
