they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
