It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
