My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
