I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
