That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
