I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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