What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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