why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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