woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
