Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
worst night to have a conscience
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
