Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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