theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
