toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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