What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
