Apparently you make a good broom.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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