In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have post one night stand depression
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