Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
please come you make the beer taste better
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
