it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
