he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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