I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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