The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
