4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
