"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize