Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
