I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just forgot I was standing up.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
