Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
