So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
