She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm getting married
To pizza
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
