God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
