Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
