So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
