omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize