Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
