tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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