In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
