it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
