it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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