I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
