On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
